


In the Arms of Light

by MelodicMars



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Jongho really is the best maknae, Nobetawedielikemen, SEONGHWA IS BABIE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-02-23 02:23:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23704261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodicMars/pseuds/MelodicMars
Summary: In most groups, members turn to their leader for help. Ateez is much the same way, the members looking to Hongjoong for guidance. All but one, that is. You see, in most groups, the leader is also the oldest, and that is where Ateez is different. In Ateez, Seonghwa is the eldest member. And sure, technically they are the same age, but the important thing is that he is not younger. The younger members of Ateez lean on Hongjoong, and Hongjoong in turn leans on Seonghwa. But where does that leave Seonghwa? Of course he could still lean on their leader, Hongjoong would never deny him that, but he had no wish to pile more onto their leader’s overflowing plate. That brings us to the precious maknae of Ateez, another point that sets them apart. At first glance, no one would ever think the stoic boy with an expression that could kill would be the youngest. Jongho is wise, well beyond his years, something that came with being the oldest child of a family. Though Seonghwa is older in age, and even then only by a few years, it can be seen that Jongho is more mature. With all that said, when Seonghwa falls apart, though he may feel like he has to pick up the pieces on his own, Jongho is there.
Relationships: Choi Jongho & Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong & Park Seonghwa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	In the Arms of Light

**Author's Note:**

> This was created for the #[atz_drawastory](https://twitter.com/shibermon/status/1237835691108847616) event created by [Ema](https://twitter.com/shiber) on Twitter, so here is my entry!
> 
> I paired up with the amazing [Chi](https://twitter.com/seachi_), check out her beautiful [art](https://twitter.com/seachi_/status/1251233168356634624)!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Seonghwa was completely drained. They had been preparing for the new comeback since the instant their debut promotions had ended, and it had been a rough few months, mentally and physically. Their comeback stage had gone great, and hearing cheers, and  _ fanchants, _ coming from the crowd had allowed him to forget his exhaustion during the performance. 

Ateez had been chattering and cheering backstage, the high of performing carrying them through to the end of the night. Now that they were in the car though, it was silent other than quiet rustling whenever someone moved. Seonghwa took a quick glance around, Yunho, Mingi, and Wooyoung were asleep, Jongho was staring out the window with earbuds in, San scrolling through his phone, and Hongjoong tapping away at his laptop. Still. 

“Hongjoong. Come on, take a nap. You’ve been working all the time, I literally haven’t seen you sleep other than moments where you pass out getting your hair done.”

Hongjoong continued typing. “I can’t, Seonghwa. You’re all depending on me for this, and I haven’t actually had time with how much we’ve been practicing. I’ve told you this, okay? You take a nap.” It was probably meant to sound exasperated, but it just sounded tired.

Seonghwa reached across the seats, setting his hand on Hongjoong’s arm and making him look up. “I know, Hongjoong. But you need a break, you can’t keep going like this. We’re almost at the dorm, please sleep when we get back.”

“So much rides on this comeback. If we don’t do well enough then we’ll be written off as just another rookie group that had nothing to offer after their first album.” Hongjoong glanced back at the other members. San had fallen asleep at some point during their hushed conversation, and Jongho was still spaced out. His voice broke on his next sentence. “I can’t fail you guys, it’s my responsibility to make sure our group makes it.”

“Joongie. I know I can’t carry your burdens of being the leader, but I’m just as old as you, at least share the group’s burdens with me. It’s going to be okay, we’ll make it. We’re all working hard, and we’re doing our parts well. It’s not all on you.”

Silent tears gathered in Hongjoong’s eyes, and he angrily wiped them away.

“Promise me you’ll sleep tonight.” 

“I- Fine.” Hongjoong looked at him with pleading eyes, as if wanting to say more.

“I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep. If you want me to?”

“Please.”

-

The bed dipped as Hongjoong shifted, tangled in the blankets. Seonghwa smiled at Hongjoong’s sleeping face. Asleep, he looked calm, the stress and tension of their long days fading away. This was why Seonghwa did what he did, letting Hongjoong unload all his troubles and concerns onto him. He was missing valuable sleep of his own, but it was a small sacrifice in comparison to the comfort it brought Hongjoong. He knew he wouldn’t be sleeping much that night anyway, just as many doubts swirling in his own head. A stray hair fell into Hongjoong’s face, and Seonghwa reached up, brushing it away with soft hands. 

Seonghwa stood, making his way out of Hongjoong and Mingi’s room. The dorm was silent, everyone else asleep. With soft steps, Seonghwa made his way into his and Jongho’s room, careful not to wake their youngest. Seonghwa sank into his soft pillows, pulling up his blanket. In the silence, doubts and misgivings creeped into his head. Dark tendrils snaking into his thoughts and tainting them. All at once, Seonghwa was overwhelmed by the past few weeks, and he found himself with watery eyes. He brought his blanket up to wipe away the tears, and a sob tore it’s way out of his throat. 

“Shit,” he whispered with shaky breaths. 

Hongjoong wasn’t wrong. Their whole career hung in the balance of this comeback. If they couldn’t deliver this time, the impact they had made with their debut was going down the drain. And it was just so, so frustrating. Seonghwa knew they were doing extremely well for a rookie group from a company with nothing, but their fans were pretty much only international. That’s not to say he didn’t appreciate them with all his heart, he did. They had given Ateez a chance at a world tour, while still rookies. It was amazing, but yet another thing that was at stake. Whether they would get to go or not depended on this comeback too. He loved international Atiny, but he so desperately wanted recognition in Korea, in his home country. It seemed so hopeless sometimes, one portion of their scores on shows always at zero. 

On top of that, he hadn’t been home in so long. As he thought of his family more tears rolled down his face, quickly dampening his blanket. He missed his brother, his parents. He could rarely even find the time to call them anymore, his day sucked up by recordings and interviews, and his evenings taken by long practices and lessons that stretched late into the night. By the time he’d get home, his family would have long been sound asleep. It was exhausting being the eldest of Ateez and taking care of everyone, when he was so used to being the youngest and getting taken care of. So desperately he wished for the comfort of his brother’s hugs, reassuring him that he was always protected. 

Jongho’s bed creaked as he shifted. Seonghwa held his breath. He had no wish for any of the members to see him like this, least of all their youngest. When only their breathing could be heard again, Seonghwa let himself go, quiet cries muffled by the blanket. More shuffling came from Jongho’s bunk. Seonghwa couldn’t stop himself this time, his breathing heavy in between sobs. He shoved the blanket over his head and hoped it was enough to dampen the noise. Moments later, his bed dipped. Jongho pulled the blanket below his chin and ran his fingers through Seonghwa’s hair softly.

“Oh, hyung,” he sighed softly. 

Seonghwa turned away, trying to tug the blanket back up.

“It’s nothing, Jongho. I’m sorry I woke you, go back to sleep.”

“It’s not nothing. I wasn’t asleep anyway, but this is the third time you’ve come back to our room and cried yourself to sleep.”

Seonghwa stared resolutely at the wall. He’d thought he’d done a good job at hiding, no one should have noticed. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“Come here, Seonghwa.” Jongho held his arms open. When Seonghwa didn’t react, he sighed again and hauled him into a sitting position, pulling him into a hug. “I know you’re the oldest of us, and you must have so much pressure being the one person Hongjoong relies on. We all know he tries to keep such a strong image for us. If you won’t lean on him as the rest of us do, just lean on me instead.”

Not just someone younger than him, but the youngest of them all offering his support made Seonghwa break. All of a sudden, he was bawling, clutching tight onto Jongho. 

“I’m sorry. I’m older and I should be taking care of you. I’m so sorry,” he gasped into Jongho’s shirt.

Jongho brought a hand up to Seonghwa’s back, drawing soothing motions. “Shhh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Quiet sobbing filled the room. Jongho merely continued to hold Seonghwa, whispering soft reassurances until his blubbering stopped and he could form sentences without cutting himself off with more crying.

“I’m so tired. And I know it’s been that way for all of us but I can’t- Every time we get a short break it just all hits me. It’s so taxing.”

“I’ll always be here for you, Seonghwa. Maybe in Ateez you’re the oldest, and I’m the youngest, but we’ve always been the opposite in our families. We’re a family in Ateez, and even if our ages differ, we can still take on the roles familiar to us. Share your thoughts with me, let me carry your burden. You don’t need to walk around with a heavy heart all by yourself.”

Tears formed in Seonghwa’s eyes again, this time silently running down his face. Jongho brushed them away with careful thumbs. 

“Let’s sleep, come on shift over.”

Seonghwa nodded and laid back down, making room for Jongho who switched out Seonghwa’s wet blanket for his own. Shaking breaths evened out as strong arms encased Seonghwa, and he fell asleep to Jongho’s fingers carding through his hair. 

-

From that day on, Seonghwa seemed worlds lighter. On bad days, he’d silently stretch his arms out towards Jongho. Sometimes he’d make a show of it, being cutesy and making grabby hands, and other days he would just look at Jongho, begging with his eyes. Jongho would always oblige, wrapping Seonghwa in a warm hug. It wasn’t often that Seonghwa wanted to talk about whatever was bothering him, but when he did, Jongho was always carefully listening, offering comfort and assurances. 

Even when they switched roommates, Jongho would still go and sit with Seonghwa until he was asleep, and all too often he would end up falling asleep in Seonghwa’s bunk too. Neither of them minded, it was a great comfort just to have the other’s presence. A long while went by, never reaching the point of Seonghwa crying himself to sleep, but of course it didn’t last. 

Their second comeback had brought in a ton of new fans, and with it, their first win on their third comeback. Wave did so well, and they promoted it a little longer than usual. Then Aurora was released as a music video too, and all of a sudden they were back on stage for another month, promoting Aurora. For Aurora, Seonghwa pushed himself to his limits, they all did, because it was Hongjoong’s song, and their leader deserved the world and more. And yet, as hard as they tried, their fanbase was still made of international Atinys who could not raise the digital scores. It was a shame, but Seonghwa made sure that Hongjoong saw the outpouring of love for Aurora on SNS. 

With their bright summer comeback brought Kcon, and in that moment, Seonghwa didn’t care at all that their Korean fanbase was small. Here were thousands of fans from across the world that supported them enough to get Ateez, rookies, to the biggest international kpop stage. It was truly amazing, and Seonghwa gave it his all. 

Too much, apparently, because he landed way too hard on his wrist in the Hala Hala stage, and then collided with a prop on a later song after a small misstep. Searing pain flared up in his stomach as the edge jabbed him, but muscle memory propelled him on in the choreo. Their set was close to the end, so he gritted his teeth and finished the song, but he caught the concerned eyes of his group mates on him. When Ateez was set to go out for the ending ment, he opted to stay backstage, not sure if he could hide the pain from Atinys. San, the precious soul he is, remained with Seonghwa, talking to distract from the pain. Seonghwa was thankful, but he felt so guilty. San should be out there with the rest of their members, this was such a big thing and he shouldn’t be missing it because Seonghwa messed up. 

It had once again been such a long period without rest, and Seonghwa had already taken many injuries promoting Wave. Kcon was just the breaking point. 

Seonghwa latched onto Jongho the moment he walked backstage. Jongho automatically slung an arm over Seonghwa to brace him, and he winced at the pained expression on Seonghwa’s face. San ran over to help too, and together they got Seonghwa in the car with minimal jostling. In the very back of the van, Seonghwa tightly gripped onto Jongho. He buried his face by Jongho’s neck, hissing in his ear. 

“Today was horrible. Everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong.”

Jongho rubbed a comforting hand on Seonghwa’s shoulder.

“You got to meet Atiny, we performed in front of so many people, you did an amazing job. The doctor said you would be fine, didn’t he? Just that it would bruise?”

“But everything else sucked,” Seonghwa whined. “San should have been out there with you guys at the end. I should have been out there with you guys.”

Arriving at the building and getting Seonghwa up to the hotel room was another hassle that momentarily broke their conversation. While they were on the elevator Jongho asked Hongjoong to switch rooms, who readily agreed. Once alone in their room, Seonghwa folded onto Jongho again. Reflexively, Jongho pulled him close and steadied him. 

“I messed up. This is the biggest international stage, hell, just the biggest stage, and I messed up. I ruined the choreo and the ending ment,” Seonghwa said, voice starting to tremble. Seconds later, Seonghwa was crying into Jongho’s shirt.

With some careful maneuvering, Jongho got them both sitting on the bed. 

“We’re all bound to make mistakes at some point, Seonghwa. You handled it well, with professionalism. I wish you hadn’t gotten hurt at all, but I’m glad it’s not serious.”

“I should have- should have done better- for such an important stage. This- this is what we were practicing so long for.” Tears slid down Seonghwa’s face as he forced his sentence out in broken chunks. “All I’ve done- is weigh us down and hold us back, constantly getting hurt.”

Jongho tilted Seonghwa’s chin up, forcing him to look into his eyes. “Listen, Seonghwa. You did great, and don’t act as if you’re the only one who got injured. We just have to do the best we can, and you’ve pushed yourself hard.”

Seonghwa buried his face back in Jongho’s chest.

“I know it’s been a tiring time, but you’re handling it well and we’ll get a break very soon. Atiny have constantly been sending you well wishes, there’s a whole tag for them on twitter. Listen.”

Slowly, Seonghwa drifted off to the soothing voice of Jongho reading the kind words of Atiny. There were still bad days, some definitely worse than others, but with Jongho there with his calming presence and rational logic, things didn’t seem as awful anymore. It was easier to see past the catastrophes to look at the bright things of each day. Everything would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Any feedback is more than welcome!  
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MelodicMars) @MelodicMars


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